My Reflections on Unassisted Childbirth

As you may know, I'm currently writing a home study course on birth. Yesterday, I wrote a bit about unassisted childbirth. It should be apparent that when it comes to birth, I hold some fairly anti-mainstream positions. I am pro-midwife ("every mother deserves a midwife") and pro-homebirth, for the vast majority who can safely plan a homebirth. However, I am concerned about the rise in popularity of the "unassisted childbirth" (UC) movement. My honest opinion is that the UC movement would not stand a chance if homebirth midwifery was fluorishing. Here's why.

For some of you reading this, the idea of a mother intentionally planning on having no one but her baby's father and perhaps trusted friends on hand during a birth is a perposterous idea. For others, there may be rage that I would question this birthing option. Here's my stance.

90-95% of the time, birth will occur completely normally, without help from anyone. Most women could, if necessary, birth their own baby with their own hands without the help or aid of another person and, most of the time, both would come out just fine. Therefore, the UC'ers have statistics on their side. Most UCs will be normal, straightforward births, with undoubtedly a huge rush and sense of pride: we did it---despite all the naysayers and worryworts!--and all on our own!!!

I'd like to get personal and set out my own grapplings with this issue, then I'll close this post with some general thoughts, as a childbirth educator.

I considered, quite seriously, attempting a UC with my last birth. I was attracted to the idea of the intimacy of the birth. I almost had an unplanned UC with my second birth because it went very quickly and the midwife almost missed it! In retrospect, this was my easiest birth and my only "ecstatic" birth. During my last pregnancy, I compared my second and third births and thought: I liked my second birth better---maybe just plan to do it ourselves this time??

But I thank God for my level-headed husband, who said no. Why am I thankful? While the first stage of the birth went virtually painlessly (honestly), the second stage (pushing) was anything but. My son's head was a full 14-1/2 inches (that's 11.7 cm--so much for 10 cm being "complete"). His was a half inch bigger than my third baby and an entire inch bigger than my second baby!! I am a very petite woman. I have a smallish pelvic outlet. It was a very very tight squeeze, let me tell you. In the midst of this incredibly hard pushing stage, I gave up. I insisted that we go to the hospital. Had it been a UC we would have. I know that my dear husband would not have said, "No, honey, even though you want to give up, even though you've been pushing and pushing, and you're in pain and exhausted, we'll stay here a little longer." Let's be real, there are very few husbands who want to see their wives in pain, and even fewer who would prolong that pain, knowing there was an alternative. And I suspect there are even fewer men who want to take the rap for making the wrong call and NOT going to the hospital when that really was the right decision. My midwife SAVED my birth. She was the one with the experience and skill who knew I was just wimping out and said: no. I have no doubt that if there was the slightest hint that the situation needed medical intervention, she would have been the one to make that call. But she knew everything was going normally, that baby & I were tolerating labor just fine, and that I needed someone to get me to focus on birthing that baby and not looking for an easy way out. That's what a good midwife does.

UC is a myopic movement. Midwifery appears across cultures. Midwives have been with the human race for almost as long as the human race. There's a reason. Several reasons actually. Safety. Experience. Wisdom. Skill. While over-management of birth has turned the normal life event of birth into a potential crisis, let's not throw the baby (or in this case, the midwife) out with the bathwater.

Nearing Menopause? Sail with Confidence

For those of you who may have read the article in the July-August 2009 Family Foundations, you might appreciate reading my original article, in its entirety (as submitted). Enjoy!

When a girl has her first period, she has “become a woman”. So what does she become when her periods are over? Superwoman!

Like getting her first period, menopause is a normal transition in a woman’s life. And like puberty, the years before menopause—premenopause—can be smooth sailing or rough seas. Whatever her individual experience may be like, whether relatively straight-forward or downright confusing, her acquired patience with discomforts and trials will serve a woman well as she navigates the unfamiliar waters that lead to menopause. For couples, this time of transition—and the unpredictable cycles that usually accompany it—may be a significant challenge to the couple’s commitment to practicing marital chastity. The Couple to Couple League now offers couples practical aid through this passage: a special premenopause class and a new book, The Art of Natural Family Planning ® Premenopause Student Guide.

Menopause officially begins when a woman has not had a period in one full year, providing there is no other reason for the lack of menses. During premenopause, many women experience the infamous hot flashes, vaginal dryness, forgetfulness, or weight gain. Early on in her Change, a woman tends to focus on developing coping strategies for these new physical experiences. Later on, the emotional and sometimes spiritual changes assume more importance.

Just as it typically takes several years for a young woman to transition to regular cycles after her first period, winding down to menopause also takes a number of years—for most women, it takes two to five years to go from regular cycling to menopause. This transition may start as early as age 35, but typically begins in the early to mid-forties. Half of all women will have experienced menopause between ages 50 and 52.

The easiest time to use Natural Family Planning methods is during the years of regular, predictable cycles, usually when the woman is in her twenties and thirties. Developing fertility awareness and seeking to avoid pregnancy is usually quite a challenge as couples go through premenopause; couples should be prepared to be patient and flexible. Cycle lengths may fluctuate wildly from one to the next. Ovulation may occur much earlier or much later than expected. Luteal phases may be a matter of a few days, or ovulation may not happen at all, requiring lengthy times of abstinence. Bleeding at the middle of the cycle may occur for the first time in a woman’s life, which may be worrisome or confusing. Since temperature patterns and mucus patches may be confusing, couples may find the cervix sign to be more helpful during this time than in earlier years.

Yet the Change is more than just a biological event; it is a significant life passage—a woman must let go of her identity as a potential bearer of new life. For women who have never married, married late, chose not to have children, or experienced infertility, menopause may present a greater challenge than for those menopausal women who still have children growing up at home, as it signals that her biological clock has finally rung—for good. Menopause is a loss—the loss of the potential to bring another child into the world.

Yet more importantly, menopause is also a gain. Some couples may continue to be drawn to parenting—and adopting a child or children may be right for their family. Other women may enjoy the freedom to work, volunteer, pursue higher education, participate in political action, or explore causes, interests or hobbies that were laid aside during the earlier years of intense child-rearing. Beyond her newly increased freedom, menopause usually affords a woman time to work through old baggage and find new perspectives on herself, her past, and the world—a kind of psychological “spring cleaning.” “Superwoman” status means loved ones and even strangers may seek her advice, and instead of the timid, reticent woman she may have been, many menopausal women will acknowledge that they are now an authority on many issues. (See the 'UP'side of Menopause.)

Finally, even the most casual glance at the demographics of many church services should be enough to convince that the years after menopause can be deeply enriching for one’s spiritual life. For menopausal women with children, child-rearing duties gradually decrease, affording more time for prayer. Many holy couples experienced the deepening of their spiritual lives after the wife’s menopause—for example, married saints who devoted the remainder of their married life to prayer and works of mercy. Consider St. Monica’s menopausal life: at 54 years of age, her love for her errant son Augustine led Monica to embark on a sea voyage from Africa to Rome. Not finding her son in Rome, she traced him to Milan and a year later was blessed to experience his conversion and baptism. She died just a few months later, her work completed, having cooperated with God in her son’s second birth and giving the Church a saint and doctor of the Church. (Ferdinand Holbock, Married Saints and Blesseds through the Centuries, trans. Michael J. Miller, San Francisco: Ignatius Press, pp. 70-75). While the time for bearing 'the fruit of her womb' may have passed, the years following menopause can be a time for great spiritual fruit, and perhaps, like St. Monica, a time to embark on a woman’s greatest life’s work.